Found this chatting history last night when i cleaning up the old computer. I totally forgot it ever happened, i mean, of course i remember what happened in that summer right after i came back, but i chose to ignore/forget these embarrassing details.
And it was dig out last night.
I tend to believe that everything happens for a reason. At least some of it happens for a reason. Like this, i believe that it is another sign/hint sent to me, to wake me up, like a slap on the face. WAKE UP.
He said come back and marry me.
Then after 3 years he finally told me that he never really expected me to come back.
So thats why he proposed? Only because he already assumed the answer would be a “no”?
So when i really came back, standing right in front of him, using up all my courage and dignity telling him that, “Im back, and I love you. please be with me.”, I got nothing in response, not even a “No thanks.”
Nothing but an article posted on his blog which can be viewed by everyone. He said it was always wrong timing.
An article sitting there waiting for me to explore.
The big mercy from him.
That was 3 years ago. During these 3 years i tend to make the same mistake once again. My problem is that i always hold the idea that it might work out eventually. Like, what if i try harder this time? maybe now the timing would finally be right?
I never really give up.
But i have to.
So remind myself everyday the brutal truth, the harsh reactions i got, the huge embarrassment and heartbroken i got, the countless tiny pieces my dinity was beaten into.